Playing with pussy

Later that afternoon, as Sweep was enjoying his post-lunch stupor (too many pasties) and relaxing in the tent. there was an unexpected visitor. The farm cat decided to come an say hello.

 

Sweep couldn't find out what the cat's name was, as it wasn't wearing a tag, so he decided just to call it pussy.

Pussy had a good explore around the tent, and investigated everything thoroughly - including Auntie Angela's cup and glass, which got knocked over in the process. "Oh dear", thought Sweep "what can you do with a wet pussy?"

Fortunately, Uncle Bill was on hand to give the pussy a good rubbing dry, and soon Auntie Angela was very happy. The cat was comfortable now, and decided that it felt quite at home - so it found it's way into Auntie Angela's bedroom, and curled up on her sleeping bag for a nap!

"Well", thought Sweep, "I'm sure Ruskin would never be so familiar. Normally he runs a mile from the Jon-Cub, but pussy seems very happy just to lie back and be stroked gently".

Soon though, it was time for pussy to go back home for its tea, and so Uncle Bill went outside with the cubs to throw a ball around for a while. Sweep was quite intrigued by this - each time someone threw the ball away, someone else would catch it and throw it back. It was obviously very hard to get rid of a ball in this place.

After a while, everyone was getting hungry, so they all came back inside and made burgers and sausage sandwiches. Sweep thought he must tell everyone about the wonderful food, as he surreptitiously let his belt out another notch.

After they'd had their burgers and sausages, it was getting dark outside and everyone was getting sleepy. Auntie Angela told sweep they were going to visit a place called Polperro tomorrow, where Auntie Angela, Uncle Bill and the Cubs used to live. Sweep would get to meet some of their old friends, and see the lovely village and the boats that sailed on the Big Blue Wet Thing, and lots of other lovely things. Sweep decided he'd better go to bed before he got too excited and went past his sleep, to make sure he'd be all wide awake and ready for tomorrow's adventures.

Off he went, got into his sleeping bag, and snuggled up. He fell asleep dreaming of all the fun he was going to have on his lovely trip to Polperro.

And so, boys and girls, it's time for you all to go to bed too - who knows what adventures you might have tomorrow, like Sweep? Sweet dreams, boys and girls. Night-night...

...

...

...

...

You're still up, aren't you?

If I have to come up there and tell you to put that light out and quieten down one more time, then you'll be sorry!

Now go to sleep!

The Dawn Chorus

Sweep had slept deeply, and had dreamt of lots of wonderful things. He can't tell you what he was dreaming about, because you're  too young to know about that kind of thing. He was busy having a particularly good bit of dream when something woke him up. It was the gentleman in the tent next door, who had just (it seemed to Sweep) burned his fingers on the "hot FN handle of the FN pan" while cooking breakfast for his family. Sweep wasn't familiar with the "FN" brand of cookware, but he didn't see how the brand was really relevant to the matter under discussion either. A hot pan handle is a hot pan handle, never mind who made it...

Anyway, now that Sweep was awake, he could hear the other sounds of a country morning on the North Cornish coast - the gentle scream of children in nearby tents as they were told they couldn't have sweets for breakfast; the sound of couples having intense debates about the best way to tidy up a campsite, and about whether his father and mother were married; the dulcet roar of motorbikes passing on the road outside at 100mph; the shriek of children as they spot yet another blank-blank wasp, and so on.

Sweep realised that he was going to have to get out of bed and accept that morning had arrived. This was for several reasons. Firstly, everyone else on the site appeared to be up already, and in no mood to keep their noise down. Secondly, Auntie Angela announced that the kettle was boiling and would anyone like a coffee - Sweep was in dire need thereof. And thirdly, Sweep had reached that critical point at which there needed to be a visit to the loo imminently or there would be consequences.

Sweep wriggled out of his sleeping bag and sleepily wished everyone good morning on his way out of the tent and towards the toilets. Lots of people seemed to be packing their tents away and getting ready to leave today - Auntie Angela explained that because today was Saturday, lots of people had to go home to get back to work. Sweep thought that was hilarious, and promptly wet himself anyway.

After cleaning up, and getting back to the tent, Uncle Bill and Auntie Angela and the Cubs all agreed with Sweep that it was a bacon butty kind of a morning - so out came the bacon and the bread, on went the grill, and butties were made. And eaten. Then more butties were made. And eaten. Sweep reflected (for it was a reflective mood in which he  found himself today) that bacon butties were mighty fine, pardner. (He was also, but only momentarily, in a cowboy kind of mood).

Everyone had a chat over their butties about what they should do for the rest of the day. Uncle Bill said it seemed like a kind of sitting-around-doing-nothing-very-much sort of day to him, and the others agreed. Sweep was quite relieved - yesterday's adventures had worn him out a bit, and he liked the idea of a quieter day today. He liked it even more when Uncle Bill explained that on Saturdays, all the families for miles around would be bringing their little kids out so they could get all whiny and screechy and sticky and obnoxious in the fresh air instead of at home. Sweep thought that perhaps, they were best avoided.

Sweep settled down to read his book - he was busy with some engaging and exciting contemporary theology by Peter Rollins, which he was currently recommending to everyone. Lots of people got surprised when they found out about the extent, variety and scope of Sweep's reading, but he did like to remind them that even glove puppets like to take a keen interest in the great issues of life, and he was presently intrigued by the dialectical interplay between concepts of Christianity and the Church. It was just his thing. After all, some people like Corrie and Eastenders, which Sweep thought far more worrying as an interest.

After they'd all been reading for a while, Auntie Angela said that there would have to be a little trip to the shops to get some food for lunch and dinner. She thought perhaps pasties might be a good idea for lunch, and Sweep decided that he'd been fancying a trip to the shops all day. He also remembered that he'd promised Uncle Dave back home in Jarra, that he'd do some research about pasties, so he'd better get onto it really.

They went off to the supermarket down the road - there was an advert on the side of the petrol station telling someone called Miles that there was better value - Sweep didn't know who Miles was, but he thought it was nice of the supermarket to do personalised messages like that. Anyway, in they went and bought the few things they would need for the day. They went to the bakery, and the lady there said that she had some pasties just coming out of the oven, nice and fresh and hot. "Ooh yummy", thought Sweep. Uncle Bill asked the lady if they did any pasties without turnip in them, because one of the cubs wasn't keen on turnip. "Oh yes", said the lady. If you look at the pasties, you'll see that some of them have a little " T T " on them, for "Tis Turnip" - and the ones with no turnip in have " T T " on them, for "Tisn't Turnip". "Thanks", said Uncle Bill, "that's very helpful".

Back they all came to the tent, where they sat and had their lovely lunchtime pasties. After much research, Sweep decided that he liked the Traditional Cornish the best, although the Cod and Tarragon was a close second, along with the Chicken and Chorizo. He wasn't too sure that he liked his Rhubarb and Custard in a pastie, but he wouldn't refuse one of them either. All in all though, he had to agree that the Traditional Cornish was the one that came closest in satisfaction levels to the proper Greggs Corned Beef pastie.

Sweep knew that his Uncle Dave was worrying about his wellbeing in addition to wanting to know about the pasties, so he decided to ry something he'd seen on those news reports about people who are staying with friends in another part of the world, where they show their family and friends back home that they're OK - so he had his picture taken with his pastie wrapper showing today's date on it. He was pretty clever, was Sweep.

Come back for more adventures later...

Lots of nothings and lots of somethings

Once Sweep had finished thinking in his head about what had happened yesterday, he decided to feel hungry. This thinking was a tricky business, and he needed something to eat so that his little brain wouldn't seize up. Luckily, just at that moment Auntie Angela came back from her trip to the loo with half a dozen eggs ("How did she do THAT?!!" thought Sweep) and asked if anyone would like eggy bread.

Sweep knocked over the cubs in his rush to be first in the queue. He loved eggy bread, and he supposed the eggs had to come from somewhere, so why not? He was a bit of a piggy Sweep and had two slices of eggy bread, all hot and crisp from the pan. It gave him a lovely feeling of eggy-bread-ness, which is a much better feeling than plain old eggyness.

After the eggy bread and the washing up, Auntie Angela announced that she wanted to go to a very special place for the afternoon. It was a big place called "Tray Go Mills", or something like that anyway. Sweep thought that sounded exciting. Mills must be where Millers came from, so perhaps he'd see where Lynne and Keith were made - that would be fun!

It was a long drive in the car, through lots and lots of nothing. Sweep couldn't see much of the nothing though, because it was a bit misty. Mister Fog had come to visit for the morning. But as they got further away from the Big Blue Wet Thing, it got less misty and more sunny, until after a while Sweep was getting quite hot. 

Luckily, they were nearly at Tray Go Mills. Sweep understood the Mills bit - obviously this was where they made Lynnes and Keiths - but he wondered about the Tray Go bit. When they got there, however, he realised what it must be about, because they went into the cafe part to get some lunch, and when you got to the counter, you had to take a tray and then go to sit down. So that was that sorted out then. (Sweep did spot lots of signs that said "Trago Mills", but he didn't like to say that they couldn't spell, because that might be rude. Instead, he had a milkshake).

When everyone had finished lunch, it was time to go inside. Sweep had been looking forward to seeing where Lynne and Keith were made, but when they got inside it seemed to be a huge shop full of all sorts of things, but he couldn't see any machinery for making Lynnes and Keiths. "Perhaps it's out the back in another shed" he thought. Anyway, this shoppy part was full of people and lots of children - they were all doing their impressions of baboons (they were quite good at it) - but Sweep was getting a bit tired after his lunch, so he snuggled down into Uncle Bill's backpack to have a nap. He wasn't hiding from all the rowdy children though - that thought would never cross Sweep's mind, not at all, not never.

When it was time to leave, Sweep was just waking up - he was pleased that he'd missed the entire time in the shops, but he didn't say anything to Auntie Angela in case she thought he wasn't having fun. They got back in the car and drove to another place where there was a supermarket, to buy things for tea. Sweep spotted some lovely jam-and-cream muffins which he pointed out to Auntie Angela, but she was a bit distracted so Uncle Bill just slipped them into the basket and gave Sweep a wink.

They drove back home to the tent through all that nothing again, which was now looking quite lovely, as nothing goes. When they got back to the tent it was a bit drizzly, so they went inside and got the kettle on for hot drinks. After that, Uncle Bill got his chopper out and began cutting up the vegetables for tea, while Auntie Angela put some pasta on to boil. Then she cooked up all the lovely vegetables that Uncle Bill had cut up with his chopper, and added all kinds of lovely herbs and spices and things, to make a sauce for the pasta. They all had some, and it was lovely. Sweep especially liked the spanish sausage that Auntie Angela had put in - it was very tasty. Afterwards, they had the jam-and-cream muffins and felt very satisfied. They sent the cubs off to wash the dishes, and Sweep decided to lie back and think of the wonderful day he'd had.

Shame he still didn't know how little Millers were made though - maybe another day...

Sleepy Sweep!

Sweep woke up the next morning and realised he'd been so sleepy last night, he'd forgotten to tell us about all his adventures. He'd had too much excitement for one day, and had got himself over-tired. Silly Sweep.

Sweep sat and had a big think in his head about what had happened yesterday. He had gone from the coffee shop with everyone, and they had found the magic pastie shop. It was wonderful, and there were so many different kinds to choose from! Sweep had stood outside the shop looking at the menu board and had taken ages to decide what to have.

Eventually, Sweep decided that he'd try a traditional pastie since he needed a baseline from which he could score all the other pasties he was going to have on this trip - his Uncle Dave would want a full report, he realised. Uncle Bill was getting a Giant Traditional Pastie, but Sweep thought he might not be able to finish one of them, since they were bigger than Sweep, so he opted for a regular sized one. It was delicious. Sweep wanted to know why he'd never had a pastie before. He thought about Uncle Bill's friend and his song about fantastic pasties and thought "there's a man who knows a bit about life".

After pasties, Uncle Bill and Auntie Angela decided that they would buy things for a craft project. Auntie Angela wanted a light in the tent, so Uncle Bill bought a plug, some flex, and a light fitting. Auntie Angela said that he wouldn't need a bulb, because there was one in the lamp they'd brought with them.

They wandered about a bit more, and Sweep saw an interesting sign above a shop...

Sweep thought to himself "I thought a Shihtzu" was a kind of dog - but if they only have a Bored Lizard, maybe I was wrong..."

After that, and a bit more wandering about, everyone went back to the car and drove to a place called Tintagel. Auntie Angela said that was where King Arthur lived. Sweep was very excited about that - he'd never seen a King's palace before, and thought it would be lovely.

When they got to Tintagel, Uncle Billl parked the car and they had a wander through the village. Sweep saw lots of interesting things. There was one place, called "The Old Post Office", that Sweep thought was very well named - it looked like they needed a new one really. Sweep looked at the state of their roof, all sagging and out of shape. He thought "I had some travelling lads at the door last week who said they did roofs - I bet they could come and fix that". But Sweep didn't have their details, so he couldn't pass them on. "Maybe some travelling roof-fixers and driveway-repairers will pass through here soon and sort it out for them", he thought.

They had another coffee at the WI hut (Uncle Bill said it was called that because after you tasted the coffee, you said "WI did we come in here?", but Sweep wasn't sure what he meant by that), and then they said it was time to walk down to King Arthur's Castle, which was next to the Big Blue Wet Thing. Sweep was very excited, and very glad that he was wearing his best medal ribbons if he was going to a King's house.

It was a long way down a very steep hill to get to the castle. When Sweep saw it, he was a bit puzzled - it didn't seem to be in the best repair for a King's house. Sweep thought perhaps there would be a bit more work for his travelling friends here, maybe even a whole week's worth. They might even need a bit of scaffolding, he thought. But he was sure that they'd be able to fix it up so that the King could be warm and cosy when the weather got cold. That wasn't a problem today though, as it was sunny and very hot. And the king didn't seem to be at home today anyway.

Sweep was very excited when Uncle Bill told him that this king was a special king, who liked to get his mates (he called them ker-nigguts or something) round a table - perhaps they liked to play Monopoly and Scrabble, thought Sweep. Uncle Bill also told Sweep that he'd arranged for a very special thing - Sweep was going to be a special honorary mate of this king, and from now on he could call himself Sir Sweepalot whenever he wanted to. "Wow!" thought Sweep - "that's fab! Just wait till that Keith Miller tries to put his hand up my backside NOW!! I'll have him sent to the Tower!"

Then they all went down to see the Big Blue Wet Thing. Sweep looked at it in amazement. "Cor!!", he said. "Isn't it big?!!" 

"And Blue?!!"

"And wet?!!"

"Yes", said Uncle Bill, somewhat wearily.

Sweep thought that the Big Blue Wet Thing looked lovely. He could see people swimming about in some places, and walking around in the bits that weren't so deep. "That's called 'plodging'," said Uncle Bill.

Sweep sat for a while sitting and looking out across the Big Blue Wet Thing. Auntie Angela said that across it, there was a place called America. Sweep looked very hard, and eventually he saw a little island poking up out of the Big Blue Wet Thing, a few miles away. "Well", thought Sweep, "that must be America. Can't say I'm too impressed - it's just a lump of rock and a load of seagulls. Don't know what all the fuss is about!"

After a while, they all walked back up the hill to the village. Sweep was enjoying the view as he sat in his special pocket on Uncle Bill's backpack. 

Once they were about half way up, Sweep thought he could hear a steam train. He wondered where the chuffing noise was coming form, because he couldn't see a train anywhere. Then he realised that it was just Uncle Bill making steam train noises - chuffing and huffing and puffing his way up the hill. "That's nice of Uncle Bill", thought Sweep, "to do steam train noises for me when he's already slogging up this very steep hill. He's really wonderful, is Uncle Bill."

After they got to the top of the hill, and Uncle Bill had crawled into a shop to buy a bottle of water, they stood around for a while. Uncle Bill drank the water and slowly, he stopped making the steam train noises - "Oh well," thought Sweep, "I guess I can't expect him to do train noises for me all day". They walked back to the car, and drove home to the campsite. Sweep fell asleep on the journey back - it had been a lovely day, and he'd had lots of fresh air. He dreamt about all the wonderful things they'd seen and done, and about the Adventures of Sir Sweepalot, Ker-niggut of the Round Table. Or was it the Rotary Club? He couldn't remember...

Coffee Time

After having tasty bacon butties in the tent, Sweep nagged and nagged and nagged until Auntie Angela gave in and said yes, they could go down into Bude for a look around. 

It took ages to find a car park space, but eventually Uncle Bill performed a feat worthy of the genius he is, and heard a car start its engine as they were getting near it, so he kindly let the driver out (Uncle Bill is always very kind) and put his car into that space before it had a chance to feel lonely and unloved.

Sweep climbed into his special pocket on Uncle Bill's backpack, and they set off into town. One of the cubs stopped beside a little telly in the wall. He put his card into the slot and pressed some buttons. The telly spat his card out. "oh", thought Sweep, "it mustn't taste nice". But then the telly gave the cub some money - Sweep thought maybe that was to say sorry for being rude and spitting the card back out.

Uncle Bill said that his blood-caffeine level was very low. Sweep knew from experience that this could be very serious indeed, and he called to Uncle Bill from the top of the backpack "look, Uncle Bill, there's a coffee shop over there!" Uncle Bill was very pleased with Sweep and said he could choose something special from the menu. Sweep looked at the menu to see if there were pasties, but Uncle Bill said that'd be for later. So Sweep decided to be daring and ordered a ginger beer. "What the heck!" He thought. "We're on holiday!"

Tune in later to see if Sweep gets squiffy on ginger beer, and whether he succeeds in his quest to find a fantastic pastie...

Morning! (apparently)

Sweep stirred - there were noises outside the tent. The sound of ferocious and wild human cubs - small ones - doing their frenzied morning dance and their frenzied early morning squealing. Sweep froze - this was a sound he'd not heard before, but it was clearly the product of some deeply disturbed and possibly even possessed human-cubs, who might well be the kind that hunt small puppets for food. He snuggled closer to Auntie Angela and tried to stay calm. Surely the mad cubs wouldn't come inside the tent looking for him?

After a while, Auntie Angela opened her eyes and said a prayer. That's what it sounded like to Sweep anyway. It was something like "Oh God, those blue dee kids!" Sweep wondered whether Auntie Angela had been having a dream about some small goats from the Chester area who were shivering in the cold. Whatever it was, it made Auntie Angela do a kind of snorting noise and then get out of her sleeping bag and put the kettle on. Maybe a hot drink would warm up the freezing baby goats in her dream, thought Sweep as he turned over and pulled the covers up again.

Soon after that, the smell of coffee woke Sweep up a bit - and Uncle Bill was stirring too. There was the sound of gentle rain on the roof of the tent, which made Sweep happy - the rain wasn't bad, but it was enough to make those mad cubs go away for a while. Sweep lay there and had a think in his head. "What larks shall us have today?" he thought. If the rain stops and the sun comes out, maybe we'll have a walk down to the big blue wet thing and see what that's like. He asked Uncle Bill, who said yes, perhaps that would be a good idea, as long as there would be shops to buy coffee and perhaps a pastie. Sweep wasn't sure what a pastie was, so he asked Uncle Bill. Uncle Bill said that a friend of his liked them so much and thought they were so fantastic, he'd written a song about them. Sweep thought that sounded very good, and decided he would try one to see how fantastic they really were.

Find out what Sweep thought of pasties in the next episode...

What's that big blue wet thing?

Sweep sat in his special place on the dashboard and watched all the scenery whizzing by - they galloped through Gloucestershire, shot through Somerset, dashed through Devon, and crashed in Corn.. (No, Sweep, you can take alliteration too far, you know).

Driving over Dartmoor, Sweep was amazed at the view - he could see so far, and it was all pretty and green. The Jon-Cub in the back seat looked up from his book and exclaimed "Wow! There's like, loads and loads of absolutely nothing!" Sweep thought that perhaps this was a smidge unfair - all that "nothing" was very lovely, and it must have taken ages to make. Anyway, whoever made it, thought Sweep, must really love it to do such a grand job. He did notice, though, that most of it seemed to smell of poo.

After driving through miles and miles and miles of lots of lovely nothing, The car turned off the big fast road onto a smaller winding one. Sweep thought it was funny that, while most of the vehicles on the big fast road with two lanes each way had been little cars, it seemed that most of the traffic on the little winding road was big lorries. "These humans are daft" thought Sweep - "I'd do it the other way!" He thought this especially on the bits where the road wasn't wide enough even to have a white line down the middle - for they were the very bits where the big lorries liked to come the other way. "They do like a laugh", thought Sweep, as he reached for some clean underwear.

After a while, Auntie Angela suddenly jumped up all excited in her seat and pointed out the window as she squealed "look - sea!" Sweep was puzzled. "See what?!" he thought. "All I can see is lots of this lovely 'nothing' stuff, and over there is a big blue wet thing. It's very flat and it goes a long way, farther than I can see, but I don't know what it is. Maybe they've had a lot of rain round here."

Auntie Angela explained that the big blue wet thing was called "The Sea". She told Sweep that it was very big, and went as far as you could see and then kept going. "How does she know what it does after you can't see it any more?" thought Sweep. Then he remembered that Auntie Angela was a teacher and could see you doing things even when you were somewhere else. That must be it.

Quite soon after that, Uncle Bill said they were nearly at the campsite where they would be staying. This made Sweep wonder whether it was a place where you had to mince about and call everyone "ducky", but it turned out not to be that sort of camping. They arrived on a big field where lots of other people had built little houses out of cloth. Then Sweep watched as Auntie Angela and Uncle Bill and the Cubs made a little house out of cloth as well. The Cubs didn't seem to be enjoying it, because they kept saying rude things to each other that Sweep chose not to hear - but after a while, there in front of Sweep was a little green house made of cloth. "Cor!" thought Sweep "This Cornwall really is a land of magic and mystery!" It was a mystery how the Cubs hadn't killed each other, anyway.

Sweep asked Uncle Bill to lift him up onto the roof of the car so he could have a look at the view. There was even more of that lovely 'nothing' all around, and Sweep thought that the Maker-bloke must really like this bit, because on the one hand it was beautiful, and on the other, this bit didn't smell of poo at all. Well, except for the bit near the little wooden house in the corner of the field, anyway.

Sweep thought this was going to be a great place for his latest Grand Adventure, and he snuggled down for a nap so he could dream about all the lovely places he was going to go and see.

Tune in next time to see where Sweep ends up next!

I can't believe it's not Africa

Sweep woke up and looked at the clock. It said 1.08 - Sweep thought "Weird! I feel like I've been asleep ages and its only one in the morning!" Then Sweep realised two things. Firstly, it was light outside, and secondly, his head had slipped off the pillow and was hanging down towards the floor. The world was upside down. He tried sitting up a bit and getting a better view, and once he'd turned the world the right way up again, he looked at the clock again. "Ah" he said. "8.01 - time to get up then".

Sweep had a stretch and a scratch, then went into the bathroom for a shower and ... things ... while Auntie Angela put the kettle on. Sweep didn't think it suited her, so she took it off again and used it to make some coffee. The shower and the coffee helped Sweep to wake up a bit, but only a bit.

Auntie Angela woke up Uncle Bill with her special cattle prod that she keeps for the purpose, and called her cubs to get ready. Everyone was to meet by the car in ten minutes! Ooh, thought Sweep, maybe there'll be breakfast!

Once everyone was in the car, they set off down the road to find a McTheme Park for bacon butties and coffee. Sweep was beginning to like these McTheme Parks, because you could see so many interesting sorts of people there. 

This time, the McTheme Park was in. Place called Chelting-ham, which Sweep supposed was the special kind of bacon they used there. The cars in the car park were different too - there weren't any P-reg Citroen Saxos with bean tins on the back, but there was a Bentley with a personalised plate. Uncle Bill explained that they don't allow chavs in Chelting-ham because Prince Charles might see them if they did. He also showed Sweep how the McTheme Park was surrounded not by an Aldi, a CarpetRight and a Heron Foods, but by a Bentley dealership, an Aston Martin Dealership, and for the poor people of Chelting-ham, a BMW dealership. "It's another world" said Uncle Bill. "Blimey!" thought Sweep - "I hadn't realised we'd driven that far! I thought, with it being hot, that we might have reached Africa, but a whole other world! Wow!"

And off they set, for more adventures in the South. Of Mordor.

Time Out in Tewkesbury

Sweep was still very excited - it was a long time since he'd been on a journey, and from his special place on the dashboard, he could keep and eye on Auntie Angela, Uncle Bill and the Cubs, as well as being able to see out of the window. He loved to watch as they whizzed along, past all the big lorries and the little old men in their little old Hondas doing 50mph in the middle lane - it was all so interesting!

Sometimes, Uncle Bill would try to say things to the people in the other cars, especially when they were doing something silly. Sweep wondered why Uncle Bill was doing that - surely he realised that the other people in the other cars wouldn't be able to hear him? "But," thought Sweep, "it doesn't seem as if Uncle Bill is in the right frame of mind to discuss that with me right now", so he kept quiet.

After a long time in the car, with trees and bridges and things whizzing past, Uncle Bill said something about stopping "near Looe" - that's what it wounded like, anyway. "Wow!" thought Sweep, "I'm sure that's in Cornwall - we've got there so quickly!" But when Uncle Bill stopped the car, they were at another one of those theme parks where you can sit and watch humans being complete idiots. Auntie Angela told Sweep that this theme park was called "Wetherby Services". She said they were still a long way from Cornwall. Sweep thought "I must tell Uncle Bill, when he comes out from that door with the little stick man on it, that we're nowhere near Looe yet..."

They set off again, and Sweep decided to have a little nap. The motion of the car and the hum of the tyres on the road were helping him to nod off into a lovely sleep. He thought how nice it would be to spend the journey in a lovely relaxing snooze, just like his grandad used to do - not wide-eyed and screaming, like grandad's passengers used to be.

When Sweep woke up, he realised that Uncle Bill was stopping the car again - "could this be Cornwall?" thought Sweep, "Uncle Bill seems to be talking about Looe again." But no, it was another one of those McTheme-Parks, and everyone got out, had a little walk around, drank coffee, and went into the doors with the little stick people on them again. But quite soon, it was time to go again.

This time, they went on a road with lots of big gantries across the road, with big red circles all lit up and numbers in them. Sweep was puzzled and asked Uncle Bill what they were. Uncle Bill told him that they were special numbers that kept changing - and if you didn't slow down enough when they changed, there was a camera that took a picture of you driving along. "Ooh!" thought Sweep, "I like having my picture taken - speed up, Uncle Bill, and see if we can get them all to take pictures of us!" But Uncle Bill said no, and said that Sweep was being a daft... well no, Sweep doesn't remember words like that.

After a while, the car stopped again so that everyone could have something to eat - the place was called a "Hut", but it looked very big for a hut to Sweep. Once everyone had eaten some pizza, they went back in the car and drove the last few miles to the place they were going to sleep for the night. Sweep thought it was a lovely hotel, because it was right in the middle of a load of factories with lots of interesting noises and things happening - and it was right next to the motorway, so he could watch all the cars and lorries with their lovely shining lights all night. He loved to listen to the roaring and whooshing noises they made as they went past. Such fun!

Well, said Auntie Angela, we'd better all go to bed soon and get some sleep, or we'll all be overtired. Sweep lay there, gazing out at the lights on the motorway, and nodded off, hoping to dream of wonderful and exciting things. Like breakfast.

We're on the way to Amarillo!

Sweep awoke the next morning, as the day was dawning, in a state of high excitement. Today was the day that Auntie Angela would be taking him on his Grand Adventure. He stretched, gave a little yawn just to give the impression he'd stayed up late with the older puppets, and looked about him. There was silence, broken only by a strange grinding sound as if the man next door was using a hammer-drill in the party wall. Sweep went to investigate, and realised that the sound was being made by the two Angela-Cubs, who were still asleep. "That sound is called snoring", said Auntie Angela. "Get used to it".

Sweep had a nice breakfast of milk and toast with jam, and then Auntie Angela helped him to pack his bag. In went his sunglasses and his hat, his iPod - and half a dozen boxes of Hedex and a pair of earplugs for the snoring. He was ready to go.

Almost immediately (it couldn't have been more than a few hours anyway), Auntie Angela was ready too. Uncle Bill had got the cubs out of bed (he has a special pointy stick for that, and a riot shield he got from a police-car boot sale) and they were ready too. 

They loaded the car up, and then unloaded the half of the stuff that wouldn't fit, and loaded the rest a better way. There was almost room for Uncle Bill and Auntie Angela and the cubs! Sweep knew that he had his own special seat up on the dashboard next to Uncle Bill, so he could see out of the window. 

Sweep was getting all ready for the journey now. He didn't have to wait long. The doors closed, everyone put on their seat belts, the car moved forwards a bit, Auntie Angela gave a shriek, the car stopped, Auntie Angela got out and ran back into the house and came back again with her knitting, and at last they set off.

Oh good, thought Sweep. It's only an hour or so until we'll have to stop for afternoon tea! I love holidays!!

Tune in later to see how Sweep enjoys the journey south...

Late night excursions

That evening, Auntie Angela bundled Sweep into the car, wearing his best medal ribbons, and drove him to a very special place in preparation for his Grand Adventure to the fabled land of Cornwall. One of Auntie Angela's cubs had to be collected from a place called Sunderland - Sweep had heard scary tales about this place, but he was sure that Auntie Angela wouldn't take him anywhere dangerous.

The Angela-Cub wasn't quite finished playing gentle lullabies to the small children of Sunderland, so Auntie Angela took Sweep to a theme park. It was a kind of a zoo where you could sit with a coffee and watch the wildlife. The wildlife were sitting in their cars and playing loud dance music. Bang bang bang it went, like a truckload of wheelie bins being tipped into a large container full of garage doors. Sweep thought it was such fun to think that noises which could be made by demented howler monkeys were sold to the strange wild humans so they could hear them again and again. What larks!

Sweep asked Auntie Angela what the theme park was called. "It's called McDonald's" she said. "If we wait a while longer we might see the ceremony of 'throwing the rubbish out of the car window' and then the display of 'seeing how much tyre squeal we can make'. It's such fun!"

Sweep wasn't sure, so he pulled his ears over his eyes and said to Auntie Angela "wake me up when it's over". It was the strangest evening he'd ever had. (And that's saying something - he lives with the Millers!)

Cliff had nowt on us!

One day, Sweep was minding his own business, sat atop the bookcase from where he liked to survey the comings and goings of the world. It was a lovely sunny day, and the strange humans with whom he lived were out in the garden, enjoying the unexpected sunshine of a bank holiday afternoon while getting slowly and pleasantly squiffy on a succession of cocktails. All seemed well, if a little predictable.

Then suddenly the telephone rang - it was his Auntie Angela! Last time she'd taken him on a trip he'd ended up at the Great Wall of China - where could she want to take him this time? Would it be as exciting?

Lynne, the more female of the humans with whom sweep lived, finished talking to Auntie Angela and explained to Sweep that she was coming to take him to a land far off to the south-west; a land of legend and magic, of romance and adventure - a land beyond the bounds of his native England. Yes, Sweep would be going to Cornwall and living in a tent for ten days. Well, said Sweep, it's better than when Mr Corbett used to put his hand somewhere uncomfortable. Lets go!

And so, off went Sweep with his Auntie Angela for another Great Adventure.

Tune in tomorrow and see what Sweep gets up to on his journey south...